1/3 of a Year Already?!

In Harper's third month, I kept thinking, I love her so much, but I am so ready for that next phase in her life. After all, for most people, newborn-hood is over in the blink of an eye. But when you are the parent of a preemie, it's a lot different. Your child is seemingly a newborn FOREVER.

And while newborns are deliciously adorable and probably the closest thing on this earth to living, breathing angels, they are also pretty limited. They sleep more than they're awake; their smiles are spontaneous rather than deliberate; and they stare more than they truly "react." I absolutely adored Harper from the moment I saw her. Yet, by the time I'd spent three months holding my precious newborn—this tiny, beautiful little girl who looked like she belonged on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel—I was eager to see Harper move on to the next phase, one where she opened her eyes more often and smiled in response to our smiles and held her head up without suffering from "rubber neck."

Her fourth month was, without question, that next phase in her development. She made sooo much progress, and we celebrated so many milestones!

The biggest of all of them is that she is now smiling at the sound of our voices and the sight of our faces. This was huge, especially for Mommy. I can't tell you how much it meant to see my daughter's face light up for the first time when I went to retrieve her from her crib and said, "Harper, it's your Mommy! Good morning!" Seeing that big, gummy grin was like winning the lottery. Twice. On Christmas.

A close second is the fact that Harper is now able to track us—and other objects—with her eyes. She follows us, our fingers, and the toys we hold up in front of her from one side to the other as though performing a field sobriety test. This may not seem big, but it is. There is a tremendous amount of relief that occurs when you can finally take comfort in the fact that your baby sees you. Like, really sees you. I now KNOW she's looking at me—not something behind or beside or above me—when she appears to be looking at me. There's no mistaking it. This is huge.

What else? She has let out a few giggles here and there—still no major belly laughs just yet, but she's right on the verge. However, she continues to screech, squeal, and coo at certain people and objects (e.g., Jeff & me—particularly when we're changing her—the ceiling fan, the "sun flower" on her Bright Starts activity gym, the lambs on her lamb swing mobile, etc.).

She has also taken to this little picture of Nemo on the side of her baby wipes box. I point to Nemo and ask, "Is that your Nemo?" and she smiles at it—a real big, gum smile—every time I change her. Interestingly, she also seems quite intrigued by her nursery wall letters. I don't know if it's because of the different patterns or what, but she stares right at them and smiles every time she's on the changing table in her nursery.

Favorite pastimes during her fourth month include:

• Having Mommy sing "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes"—complete with all the motions—to her. She smiles really big when I do the "and mouth and nose" part.
  
• Doing "Super Harpers" with Mommy, Daddy, Gran, and/or Grandfather (e.g., springing off of our laps and having us make her "fly" while yelling, "Suuuper Haaarper!").
  
• Swinging in her lamb swing and playing in her Bright Starts activity gym.
  
• "Standing," "walking," and "jumping" when we hold her up underneath the arms. We think she's going to be one of those babies who skips crawling completely and just starts with walking. Thus far, she has expressed absolutely no desire to crawl, scoot, or do anything to move from Point A to Point B on her tummy. She does, however, LOVE to stand up, "walk," and "jump" on our laps as long as we support her underneath the arms. (Consequently, Jeff & I are currently doing our homework on Jumperoos and ExerSaucers and trying to figure out which will be the better buy for Harper!) What to Expect—The First Year says 25% of four-month-old babies will bear some weight on their legs. Harper has been doing this for about three weeks, and she's only supposed to be a nine-week-old! She might be ahead of the game on the walking front.
  
• Being kissed, particularly on the forehead, chin, and the corners of her mouth—elicits a smile every time!
  
• Taking baths with Mommy (but now kicks her legs like a little frog in the bathtub!).
  
• Cuddling and sleeping on Daddy's chest and stomach (aka: "Harper's waterbed").
  

Other milestones significant to Jeff & me and likely no one else include:

• Stopped sleeping in the bedside bassinet in our room and moved upstairs to her "big girl" crib in her nursery at the beginning of her fourth month.
  
• Stopped by my old office and met my former bosses and coworkers for the first time the week before she turned four months. It was great for me to get to see everyone and fun for them to meet this little person they'd come to "know" so well in utero. Erik & Christy brought in pizzas for the occasion, and Hector drew a "Sticky of the Day" in Harper's honor:
  
  
  
• Recognizes the sight and sound of us shaking her bottle and correlates it with food. As soon as she spots the bottle and we put the burp cloth under her chin, her cry totally transforms and she starts getting fidgety as though she understands that dinner is served. However, she does not yet understand that the burp cloth is not an appetizer.
  
• Sat in her Bumbo chair for the first time without slumping at just over three months.
  
• Went swimming in her mushroom baby pool for the first time at three-and-a-half months—wasn't a huge fan, but I think mainly because she'd just woken up from a nap.
  
• Played "peek-a-boo" with Mommy for the first time at four months and smiled when I "reappeared."
  
• Outgrew all of her "newborn" and most of her "0–3 months" clothes; she can now wear only "3–6 months" clothes, with the exception of stuff from Gymboree, which runs super huge.
  
• Stared in disbelief at my toothbrush and then back at my mouth as I held her in one arm while brushing my teeth the other day. You could just see her trying to wrap her little mind around it. She was so puzzled, I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
  
• Paid attention to and eventually smiled at the "baby in the mirror" for the first time at four months old.
  
• Showed a slight interest in books for the first time as a four-month-old. Mommy now tries to read Baby Colors once a day, although Harper doesn't always have the attention span for it.
• Met my paternal grandmother, Val, who suffered a debilitating stroke almost six years ago, at the nursing home for the first time. Harper was very cute and nuzzled right up to Val in her wheelchair.
  
• Slept through the night for the first time (or, well, 6 ½ hours at least) at three-and-a-half months, after she had her last bottle at 12:30 A.M. and didn't wake up to eat again until 7:00 A.M. Mommy was shocked! Harper has graduated to sleeping six hours at a time, but this rarely means sleeping through the night, as Mommy & Daddy are usually too tired to make it past midnight for the day's final feeding. More frequently, Harper eats her last bottle at about 8:30 P.M., goes to bed at 9:00 P.M., wakes up Mommy to eat somewhere between 3:30 and 5:00 A.M., and then wakes up to start her day at about 8:30 A.M. Mommy is going on her fourth month of not sleeping through the night—yet, strangely, it's not even a big deal anymore. Sleeping four or so hours at a time is now commonplace. By the time you do something for a third of a year, you really don't remember what it was like to NOT do it. And let's not kid ourselves, it's actually been much longer than that. I used to wake up in my third trimester crying—literally, CRYING—due to crippling joint pain in my hands and fingers and unbearable heartburn, let alone those nights when I would awaken to the fun sensation of my super active little baby kicking the crap out of my uterus. So, yes, between the general discomfort during the later stages of pregnancy, the bliss of cesarean recovery, and the cries of my darling, hungry little newborn baby, I barely remember what it was like to sleep uninterrupted for eight consecutive hours. I'm not worried about it, though. Harper will eventually sleep through the night. The doctor said he'd be surprised if a baby her age—her adjusted age, I mean—could sleep longer than five or six hours at a time, so I'm thinking that we have a couple more months of up-in-the-middle-of-the-night feedings to go. Hey, it could be worse. We could be back in the days of two-or-more feedings in the middle of the night! Nooo, thank you!
  

Physically, she's changing so much every day. There are the precious little weight-gain-related baby features (e.g., chubby legs, chubby arms, chubby wrists, chubby tummy, chubby cheeks, and chubby, double—sometimes triple—chins), but there are also the characteristics that make her increasingly more her, and it's so fun to see those grow and develop and sharpen. I'm convinced that her eyes are going to remain blue, although not the dark ocean blue they were in the hospital and not the light, sky blue shade that exists in both of our families. Harper's eyes are a beautiful, smoky bluish-slate gray with flecks of green and hazel, like gorgeous marble, with a ring of dark blue around the outside. The hair on the top and back of her head, which thinned out considerably and partially fell out during her third month, has now thickened and formed into a little cap of light brown, with a cowlick on the right side above her forehead just like her daddy. It's darling.

I find myself wondering what she'll look like skipping off to Kindergarten at five, kicking a soccer ball (or whatever!) at nine, climbing into her car at 16, walking down the aisle at…25? 30? I can't picture it just yet, but I know one thing: She'll be the most beautiful thing on earth to her parents.

Four-month Well Visit

Yesterday was Harper's four-month checkup, and I can't believe four months have already passed since she was born. Well, in a way I can, because I'm getting to the point now where I really can't remember what life was like not to have her here with us, but I remember the day I had her so vividly (at least up to the point of my surgery!) that it hardly seems like that could have been four months ago.

Here are her stats:

Weight: 11 lbs. 9 oz.
Length: 23.125 ins.
Head circumference: 15.625 ins.

Jeff & I were surprised because we both expected her to weigh more than that (after all, she has recently earned the nickname "Harper the Hutt"—as in "Jabba the Hutt"—from some of our friends due to her rolls!), but she's following a normal growth pattern and everything, so she's on the right track. For a four-month-old baby, she is in the 6^th percentile for weight, the 7^th percentile for length, and the 9^th percentile for head circumference. However, if these numbers are plugged into her adjusted age—nine weeks, the age she's supposed to be and would be had she born at term—then she is in the 51^st percentile for weight, the 60^th percentile for length, and the 59^th percentile for head circumference. So basically she is right where she needs to be.

What else? Her umbilical hernia is almost fully healed. I don't know if I ever even mentioned that, but Harper had a very small umbilical hernia as a result of her prematurity. It's a very common thing for preemies; they are born with such a small amount of core muscle that part of their intestine protrudes through a "weak spot" in their abdominal wall (aka: their belly button). This causes their navel to slightly poke out whenever they strain (e.g., cry, poop, etc.). Basically, whenever she strains, Harper's belly button becomes an "outtie." We first noticed it in the NICU, and it was later diagnosed as an umbilical hernia. The good news is that it's getting better. The doctor can no longer feel the hernia, which means it has decreased in size, and he assured us that Harper will not need to have it surgically repaired. Dr. B thinks it will go away on its own within the next few months and told me not to worry, that she would eventually have a perfect "innie" bikini belly button.

The fact that he mentioned bikinis is hilarious, because it's been a hot topic of discussion since before Harper was even born. For some strange reason that I don't understand, Jeff has this issue with Harper wearing a bikini. It started about six weeks before my C-section, when I was shopping online for Harper's first swimsuit…

I showed Jeff this adorable giraffe-print bikini from Baby GAP and said, "Isn't this darling?"

His response was, "I don't think she needs a bikini."

Puzzled, I asked, "OK… But what's wrong with a bikini? What's your deal?"

"I just don't want her wearing one. No bikinis. She doesn't need to be running around with an exposed tummy."

"But she's a BABY!"

"OK, fine. She can wear a bikini before she turns one. But between one and eighteen, no bikinis."

A few weeks later, we had a bunch of our friends over and I brought up the bikini subject, thinking all of them would say that Jeff was completely overreacting. To my surprise, every single one of the guys agreed with Jeff. (All of the girls, however, sided with Mommy.) I actually ended up buying Harper a one-piece for this summer, but I guarantee next summer the bikini issue will come up again.

However, I will eventually win this one. And here's why:

(1) I honestly don't understand what is wrong with wearing a bikini. Americans have been wearing them since the '40s. I have pictures of my mom and her friends as eight-year-olds running through sprinklers in theirs.
(2) Since I will be picking out all of my daughter's clothes for AT LEAST the next decade, I think my husband can trust my decisions on this. Obviously I am not going to pick out a skanky-looking swimsuit for our precious, innocent little child.
(3) I don't want my daughter to grow up feeling ashamed of her body or how she looks.
(4) I'm not a fan of creating problems out of non-issues. To me, that is how you create much bigger problems. If Jeff makes this a big issue, it will bite us both in the you-know-what later when Harper is a teenager. If he acts like it's no big deal, Harper won't think it's a big deal either. My parents never forbid me from wearing a bikini—or anything, for that matter—and consequently, I never pushed the limits on that subject at all. I never owned a bathing suit that was too provocative or a skirt too short or a shirt too low-cut. It never would've even occurred to me to buy one. However, had my dad been all, "Young lady, one-pieces only until you go to college!" it probably would've been a different story.

Anyway, that's the bikini issue. Back to Harper's appointment…

I jokingly mentioned to my pediatrician that my husband had already decided to put his foot down when it comes to two-piece bathing suits: "Yeah, no bikinis until she's 18, he says."

Dr. B, who has two grown daughters of his own, continued examining Harper and laughed, "Is that right? Well—HA!—you tell your husband I wish him a whole hell of a lot of luck with that one. HA!"

I, of course, made sure to repeat Dr. B's comment to my dear husband later that day. He couldn't help but laugh.

Anyway, normally babies start eating rice cereal and stuff like that at about four months old, but because Harper is a preemie, Dr. B thinks we should wait until she has an adjusted age of four months old before we introduce her to any type of solid foods. I'm a little disappointed, because I think Jeff & I are both looking forward to feeding her something else besides bottles, and—I won't lie—because I've heard that babies do a MUCH better job of sleeping through the night once they get on rice cereal. But that's OK. September will be solids month!

And I really shouldn't be complaining at all, because after switching six times, we have FINALLY solved our formula crisis. Per an old high school Facebook friend's suggestion, we tried Good Start's Soy Plus formula last month, and we have been on it ever since. Harper is generally a good eater, although I've been concerned lately that she isn't eating enough. The rule of thumb is that you take your baby's current weight and divide it in half; whatever you get is the maximum number of ounces she should eat per feeding. In Harper's case, that means she should be eating about five-and-a-half ounces at each feeding, and her problem is one of inconsistency. She'll down a five-ounce bottle at one feeding and refuse to eat more than three-and-a-half ounces at the next one. I asked Dr. B about it, and he said that anything within two ounces of the maximum number of ounces she should eat is OK. So, as long as she eats at least three-and-a-half ounces of formula at each feeding, we're in the clear. She's been doing that—and sometimes much more—so I guess we're on the right track.

The best part is that Harper's gas is sooo much better; her tummy aches are practically gone; and her system eventually regulated itself so she doesn't have any more constipation issues. This is a huuuge relief to her parents, who were starting to worry themselves sick about her. She is also taking a small dose of a very mild antacid every day, so I'm sure this is helping with the digestion and tummy issues she had while on previous formulas.

Harper also had to have her four-month vaccinations, which was, of course, traumatic for us both. She did much better this time, though, and didn't cry nearly as much as she did as a two-month-old, so Mommy was incredibly proud of her. I also had the Infant Tylenol with me in my diaper bag this time and gave her a little bit in the waiting room, so that helped tremendously. After we got home, she slept almost the rest of the day. That's REALLY unusual for her, so I know she had to feel pretty crummy because of the shots. My poor baby.

She seems much better today, but I am trying to be extra careful when handling her. I remember how badly that DTaP shot hurt when I had to have it—as a 15-year-old, I couldn't even lift my left arm to shoot a basketball at practice—so the idea of bumping her or touching her little leg when she's sore makes me cringe. She seems back to her regular, inquisitive self, though. I'm so glad to see that she's feeling better, although I'm already dreading her six-month vaccinations. Then I know we'll have another round at nine months and again at a year! And those are just boosters… That's not counting our monthly dose of Synagis—a shot given to preemies to prevent them from catching RSV, a type of respiratory virus that can seriously affect babies with underdeveloped lungs, during the flu season—assuming we're approved. (One shot of Synagis costs $1,000, and babies need the shot on a monthly basis during flu season, so it can quickly add up. As a result, you have to be "approved" for Synagis, which means that your insurance company has to evaluate your baby's likelihood of contracting RSV based on a number of factors—the degree of his/her prematurity, whether he/she will be exposed to other children during the flu season, whether he/she will be in day care, etc. It's basically insurance companies' way of figuring out which will cost less: paying for your child to have the shot or paying for your child's hospital bill should he/she contract RSV. Harper hasn't been approved yet, but Dr. B seems to think it won't be a problem, given that she was born eight weeks premature. We will find out the verdict in September, so I'll keep you posted.)

She is waking up from her nice long nap, so I will have to finish writing about all that's gone on over the past few weeks next time. Until then…

ROP, Formulas, & Progress

I don't have a lot of time to update, because you-know-who is due to wake up hungry in about 30 minutes, but I'll give it a shot...

First things first, I have WONDERFUL news about Harper's eyes. Jeff & I took her to the retinologist as scheduled last Friday, and she received a fantastic diagnosis. The ROP is almost completely gone in her right eye, and although her left eye is still currently at stage two, it is a "better" stage two than it was a couple weeks ago. In fact, things are looking so good that the doctor said we really shouldn't worry, that the ROP in her left eye would most likely go away on its own, and that she definitely would not be a candidate for laser surgery (thank God!). An added bonus is that we no longer have to see the retinologist on a weekly basis; we don't have to return until mid-August, which, for now, seems a billion years away.

I'm absolutely ecstatic because--believe me--you do NOT want to watch a retinal exam performed on a newborn. It is unbelievably traumatic. First, Harper's eyes have to be dialated. I've never had this done, so I don't know what it feels like. I've heard that it doesn't hurt, really, but that it's no picnic either. Regardless, it is not enjoyable for anyone to have to pry an infant's eyes open, apply three rounds of drops, and wait around for roughly 45 minutes so that the drops have a chance to start working. But the worst is the actual exam. The doctor has to clip these little things on her eyelids to keep her eyes completely open, and although Harper's cry during the exam is more of a panicked, "what is she doing to me, Mom?!" yell than a true, "I'm in pain here!" scream a la her vaccinations, it is still unbelievably tough to take. And the fact that I have to hold her little arms down while they do this to her from the comfort of my lap is almost unbearable. I honestly don't know whether it's harder for Harper to physically endure the exam or for me to witness it. All I know is that I'm THRILLED we don't have to go back for another month.

We've been having a lot of issues trying to find the right formula for her, and our struggles continue. In the hospital, and during the first couple weeks at home, she was on Similac Neosure, a formula made specifically for preemies. However, babies aren't supposed to stay on it for very long past their original due date because of the ingredients (I guess it's higher in fat and calories to "bulk up" premature babies who are so small). Harper was also having a lot of gas pains on the Neosure, so our pediatrician recommended that we switch to Similac Alimentum, a hypoallergenic formula. The result? Projectile, Exorcist-style vomiting that Jeff & I both had the pleasure of experiencing first-hand on more than one occasion. Good times.

So we then switched to Similac Isomil Advance, an all soy-based formula. She seemed to love the taste of it and would drain her bottles at each feeding, but she continued to have horrible tummyaches (and audible, college frat boy-like gas!), so we switched again...to Nutramigen, Enfamil's version of hypoallergenic formula. Harper DETESTED it. Every time we tried to feed it to her, she would scrunch up her face as if to say, "Ewww, yuck!" and would ultimately eat only about half of her bottles. Sooo, as per a friend of mine's suggestion (and similar experience with her son), we're now trying Good Start Soy Plus. Thus far, Harper likes it--doesn't love it, but likes it--and isn't having nearly as much gas or as many tummyaches as before. She does seem like she's having more trouble pooping, though, as she did on the Similac Isomil Advance, so we need to give it some more time to see if it's going to work for us.

So, the formula debaucle continues. I feel so bad for Harper. I'm sure she doesn't understand why we keep changing her food, and Jeff & I are so frustrated by our inability to find the right solution for her. It makes me feel guilty that I didn't breastfeed her, even though that was far from a perfect solution for us. I couldn't even remotely keep up with her demand no matter how much I pumped, and to be honest, she seemed to have just as much gas on her tummy when she was on strictly breastmilk. Ugh!

The good news is that the pediatrician has nothing but good things to say about her. She is in wonderful shape, physically, and thus far, has hit all of her developmental markers. At her last doctor's visit (July 1st), she weighed 9 lbs. 13 oz. (almost 10 lbs.!) and measured 22 3/8 inches. She is such a tall girl! She is getting too long for most of her newborn outfits, but 3-months outfits literally hang off of her, so we're in one of those weird phases where finding the right clothes is a challenge. Carter's clothes seem to fit her the best, so we're extremely brand loyal right now!

Oh, and she is FINALLY sleeping longer than three hours at a time (thank God!). These days Harper is eating 4 to 4 1/2 oz. every four or five hours. Last night she went the longest she's ever gone between feedings--five and a half hours! I fed her at 11:45 P.M. and she woke me up to eat at 5:15 A.M. It was WONDERFUL to sleep so long, although I think I'm actually pretty used to getting up every three or so hours now. Last night I almost had the sensation that I'd slept through my alarm or something.

What else? Although she remains a carbon copy of her daddy when she's asleep, Harper is looking A LOT more like her mommy as of late. It's not so much that she resembles me now, but she looks identical to my baby pictures (aside from the blue eyes, of course!). I will try to scan a picture of myself as a three-month-old the next time I go over to my parents' house.

Sadly, Harper's gorgeous tresses are falling out--or, should I say, "rubbing off." She has rubbed a big bald spot on the very back of her head, and I keep finding little baby hairs all over her sheets. If she takes after her mother, she will be a bald Buddha baby by the time she is six months old!

In terms of personality, Harper remains a very serious, smart baby; she does, of course, smile when entertained, but she generally seems more interested in studying things than smiling without cause. (I caught her staring at her fist for about five minutes straight yesterday!) However, she absolutely loves for us to talk to her and intently listens whenever such conversations take place. She also continues to LOVE music, particularly from her lamb swing mobile, which she now stares at for 10 or so minutes at a time, and lately has shown genuine interest in her Bright Starts activity gym. She bats and coos at the hanging objects on her gym, particularly her favorite: a "flower" with purple petals and a yellow face that makes it look more like a sun than a flower. Fans are her favorite household objects; we catch her watching them spin often when she's awake.

Other likes include her daddy (she is a real Daddy's Girl who loves snuggling up on Jeff's chest), taking baths with Mommy (I decided this was MUCH easier than bathing her in an infant tub!), and being held "sack of potatoes-style" (e.g., backwards over my shoulder). Major milestones in her third month include grabbing our noses, glasses, etc. when we hold her up close to our faces, kicking and using her legs to push off of my hands when I support her, looking us in the eyes when we speak to her, rolling over unassisted for the first time, cooing and squeaking--particularly in response to us or objects around her, opening her mouth as if to "give kisses" when I kiss her on the lips, staring at the moving lambs and stars on her lamb swing mobile, and attempting to "bat" hanging objects on her activity gym with her hand.

Jeff & I have given her about 1,000 different nicknames, including "Harpster," "Harperoni" (shortened to "Roni" on many occasions), "Harperton," "Harpsichord," "Harpsie Lou," "Harpunzle," "Mrs.," and "Cooberry." She probably won't know her own name by the time she's ready to start talking! (I'm kidding. We call her by her name a lot, too.)

Unbelievably,you-know-who is still asleep! I am going to try to get some thank-you notes written before she wakes up. Wish me luck! :-)

Harper's Belated "Welcome Home!" Shower

I started to write this entry last week but never got around to actually posting it, so sorry for the delay!

We had our "Welcome Home, Harper!" shower here at our house on June 28th, and it was so much fun. The hostesses completely outdid themselves; they brought in pounds of chicken and beef fajitas, Mexican rice, refried beans, and queso from Alamo Cafe (sooo good!), the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I think I've ever seen, a homemade trifle, a darling pink "Welcome Harper" cake with baby booties on it, and an absolutely exquisite diaper cake, care of the amazing talents of my best friend! Harper got the chance to meet"Aunt Jody," "Uncle Rick," "Aunt Erin," "Uncle David," & "Uncle Kris & Aunt Carrie" (who is pregnant with Harper's soon-to-be boyfriend, Josh) for the first time, and Jeff & I had a blast laughing, eating, and drinking wine with our friends. We don't see them nearly as much as we used to, so it was especially cool to hang out with so many of them together in one place.

Jody created a "word scramble" of all of Harper's favorite things, and I am sorry to say that my jumble skills are obviously not what they once were! (Sadly, I missed my own last name! I couldn't figure out that "nsoerHdne" was "Henderson"! A little pathetic!) Everyone had so much fun trying to figure out all of the answers. A few of us got pretty close, but no one could manage to beat Rick, who ultimately won the grand prize: a free massage at Spa d'Sante. After the word scramble, Jeff & I read aloud each guest's wish and/or words of advice for us as new parents. Some of the things people wrote were hysterical, such as my brother's words of wisdom: "Give her what she needs, not what she wants." Good advice, maybe, but a little ironic coming from my brother, who pretty much exclusively wears Burberry and Lacoste, drives a Porsche Boxster, and spends most of his time on the links at various San Antonio country clubs. (Incidentally, Carson is a very good kid: mannerly, thoughtful, and easy to get along with, with a very big heart. He doesn't act spoiled or bratty in the least. Still, he has exceptional, expensive taste and a self-admitted desire to live the "good life," so I couldn't help but chuckle when I read his bit of advice.)

Anyway, after reading everyone's wishes and words of wisdom, Jeff & I opened Harper's presents. Wow, she got some absolutely amazing gifts: her high chair, an extra car seat base (sooo nice to have an extra one to put in Jeff's car!), a car seat grabber, padded car seat strap covers, double head support pillows, a darling wicker laundry hamper, crib sheets, bassinet sheets, changing pad covers, a musical monkey toy, her first stationery, a $50 gift card to Target (which Mommy has already spent on a little closet organizer and an adorable mushroom baby pool that I doubt we'll be able to use until next year), and six or seven adorable outfits. I have no idea when I'll be able to write so many thank-you notes, but I will get them all done...eventually.

In the meantime, I hope my darling friends know how very grateful I am to them for putting together such a spectacular shower. I had such a wonderful time and can't thank them enough for everything. Harper will hear about her "Welcome Home" shower for many years to come!

The Death of Michael Jackson

I'm such a raging sentimentalist.

Michael Jackson died yesterday, and I am still in complete shock. It's not like I'm this crazy Michael Jackson fan either. I mean, I loved his music back in the day (who didn't?!), but it had been a long time since I really even gave him a second thought beyond whatever popped into my mind in line at the grocery store whenever I read the National Enquirer's latest freaky headline concerning the King of Pop.

But now that he's gone, I'm nostalgic. "Thriller" was my second cassette tape when I was a little girl (Billy Joel's "An Innocent Man"--complete with "Uptown Girl" and "For the Longest Time"--was the first), and I would drag my tape player all over the house and play "Beat It" and"Billie Jean" until the tape ribbon physically unraveled. As a child who loved art and crafts, I had a shirt that was designated my "painting" shirt. It one of those ugly black concert tee-shirts that someone got me when they went to see MJ live, and I absolutely loooved it. I would point to his white glove and dance, and even though it was more like a smock than a shirt on my three-year-old body, I insisted that I wear it whenever I was painting.

I watched the "Billie Jean" video--the one where MJ performs live for the Motown 25th Anniversary--about five times yesterday, and I don't think it will ever be anything less than amazing. Have you EVER seen anyone dance like that?! It's incredible. I remember watching it on TV with my parents when I was a little kid and both of them being blown away. I remember seeing women scream and cry in the audience and, being about four, not understanding that. I remember asking my mom why those ladies at the Michael Jackson show were so sad and my mother doing her best to explain to me that sometimes people cry when they get too excited and overwhelmed. How funny.

He became so weird and freakish in his later years that it's easy to see why most of us forgot how unbelievably "cool" he was in his prime. I'm beginning to understand how my parents must have felt when Elvis died and/or John Lennon was shot. (Incidentally, Elvis died the year Jeff was born, and John Lennon was shot a year before my birth in 1981.) I can't help but think of Harper and how strange it is that she will never quite grasp the magnitude of Michael Jackson's stardom. She will never really get how cool "Thriller" was when it debuted (and actually, considering technology's advances, "Thriller" will probably seem pretty lame to her when she's old enough to see it!) or how unbelievably powerful you'd have to be to orchestrate "We Are the World." She will never fully understand how absolutely HUGE Michael Jackson was at the height of his career, how far he fell, and how freakish he became. And to me, that is so odd--that my child will never quite comprehend this person in history that my husband & I will instantly recognize and remember and at whom we will marvel for the rest of our lives whenever we hear one of his songs.

I think Michael Jackson is the first MAJOR icon my generation has lost, and although it's been such a long time since we were all captivated by that young, skinny black kid from Gary, Indiana, I hope I always remember him as the amazing performer that he was--the one with the shimmery black jacket, black top hat, and white glove, who could slide his feet backward as though walking on the moon.

A Rough Couple of Weeks

I haven't updated this blog in forever. Ugh! I hate getting behind on things, but such is inevitable when you're a new mom. I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that getting "extra" things done--pretty much anything aside from basic necessary tasks, of which updating your blog isn't--is just not in the cards. At least not right now.

We've been dealing with a lot over the past few weeks, which is one of my reasons for not writing, aside from the typical new mom stuff (e.g., no sleep, fussy baby, etc.).

On the upside, Harper had her two-month well visit with her pediatrician on June 1st, and she weighed 8 lbs. flat and measured 20 ½ in. at the time of her visit. That's a pound and a half since her May 12th homecoming, which is awesome!

However, June 1st was a tough day…for both of us. The two-month well visit means two-month vaccinations, and I can't even begin to describe how incredibly difficult it was to have to watch my child scream in pain as shot upon shot was administered into her chubby little thighs. I literally alternated between wanting to punch my pediatrician in the face (even though I really like the guy!) and wanting to jump in between him and Harper as if to say, "Noooo! Stop poking her! Poke ME with the needles, not her! I'll take all of the shots for her!"

I heard Harper's "help me, I'm in pain" cry for the first time that day, and it was undoubtedly the most horrible sound I think I've ever heard. It's such a helpless feeling as a mother, to hear your child scream out in pain and know that you are powerless to stop it. I'm already dreading our four-month vaccinations.

So our pediatrician's appointment went well, but it was tough.

Tougher, still, was our appointment with the pediatric ophthalmologist two days later. To make a long story short, all preemies--particularly those born at 31 weeks and under or those with an extremely low birth weight (e.g., 3.5 lbs. and below)--are at risk for Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP), a condition in which the blood vessels in the retinas stop growing or begin to grow abnormally. Most of the time, the problem simply resolves itself on its own without any medical intervention; if the retina becomes detached, as in the worst cases, blindness can occur. Because Harper doesn't fall into either of the above categories in terms of her prematurity, I expected her to receive a clean bill of health where her eyes are concerned…

But, as I found out at our appointment on June 3rd, from a doctor with absolutely no beside manner whatsoever--every first-time mom's dream--Harper does, in fact, have ROP. Of course when I found this out, I was an absolute basketcase. I'd gotten so used to hearing that everything was fine with Harper's health that I was totally unprepared for anything less than "everything looks great, Mrs. Henderson." The icing on the cake was the doctor. What a royal jerk. He didn't really explain anything about ROP and what it is, how bad Harper's case actually is, or our chances for a best-case scenario outcome vs. a worst-case scenario outcome. He just condescendingly explained the disease by using a bunch of weak metaphors and proceeded to cover his you-know-what by giving me a run-down of the most unlikely result (although I didn't know that at the time).

Luckily, Jeff & I sought a second opinion, not necessarily because we believed we would receive a different diagnosis but because I felt so strongly about seeing a different doctor.

So, early last week, we saw a much warmer and friendlier ophthalmologist who is not a pediatric doctor but a doctor specializing in retinology. The prognosis is not nearly as bleak as Doctor #1 originally made it seem, but Jeff & I already expected that after reading up on ROP after Harper's original appointment.

Basically, because of her prematurity, Harper's retinal blood vessels have not fully developed. ROP is graded in terms of "stages," with stage one being the least severe and stage five being the most. Harper has stage one ROP in her right eye (which means her right eye has a 90-95% chance of resolution without medical intervention) and stage two ROP in her left (meaning a 70-80% chance that everything will work itself out without treatment in her left eye). The concern is her left eye; if it progresses to stage three ROP, then she will have to have laser surgery to correct the problem. Apparently laser surgery fixes stage three ROP almost 100% of the time, so that's comforting.

For now, the doctor is simply monitoring her condition to make sure it doesn't worsen. We'll return to the ophthalmologist every two weeks so Harper's retinas can be evaluated. Our next appointment is this Thursday. Of course, I'm worrying about it, but I've been praying about it a lot. "Give it to God," my mom says. I'm trying.

In other news, Harper is making tremendous progress toward her developmental milestones. Naturally, preemies are always a tad "behind" other children of the same actual age; because of this, parents of preemies are told to measure their child's development based on his/her "adjusted" or "corrected" age (the amount of time that has elapsed since the child's original due date). So, while Harper's actual age is just over 11 weeks, her adjusted age is just 3 ½ weeks. And for a 3 ½-week-old baby, she's doing incredibly well!

It seems like she's made a lot of accomplishments over the past week. She's experimenting with sounds a lot--making pterodactyl-like screeches and high-pitched squeaks fairly often--and she just started cooing over the weekend. She's also developed distinctly different cries for different wants/needs (unlike the first few weeks, during which all of the crying sounds exactly the same!). She still can't hold her head up unsupported for long periods of time, but she can lift it when she's on her tummy and can hold it upright temporarily. What else? She's now focusing on specific objects, like the stars and lambs on her lamb swing mobile or our faces when we're holding her, and though she has yet to figure out how to use her legs to "scoot" during tummy time, she can already roll herself over onto her back unassisted.

Unfortunately for Mommy (and Daddy, too, as I'm sure her crying interrupts his sweet dreams even if he doesn't acknowledge it), Harper is still not sleeping through the night. Not even close. She's generally up and ready to eat every three-and-a-half hours, give or take an hour in either direction. My two saving graces are: (1) she's usually a very good eater and sucks down her 3- to 3 ½-oz. bottle of formula in less than 30 minutes; and (2) Jeff feeds her before he goes to work, thereby allowing me to get at least three hours of uninterrupted sleep, which is huge. She's still sleeping beside us in our bedroom for the time being, and I imagine we'll probably keep her there until she either outgrows her bassinet or starts sleeping through the night. My goal is to have her sleeping upstairs in her own crib in her own nursery by August, but we shall see.

As far as her personality goes, well… I don't know how Jeff was as a baby, but according to my mother (and a crapload of pictures in my baby photo albums!), I was a very serious, studious baby--the antithesis of my little brother, who was ALWAYS smiling and laughing. Hilariously, Harper definitely takes after me in this way. She will give an occasional smile, sure, but generally she is a very inquisitive, "thinker" baby: her lips pursed, her brow knitted, her eyes open wide, a constant contemplative expression upon her face. I wonder if this will ring true for her personality in later years. It certainly did for my brother & me.

What else?

She LOVES her lamb swing, her pacifier, her Fisher Price crib aquarium, stretching her arms and legs, having her hands up by her face, taking baths, looking out the window, being held and talked to, and being rocked. She DETESTS all formulas except for Similac Neosure, having her arms tucked in when I swaddle her, wearing outfits with mitts (she ALWAYS finds a way to weasel her fingers out!), silence, being changed, and, aside from bath time, being naked (Daddy says this is a good thing and that it should stay that way until she's 30!).

The funniest thing is that she absolutely LOVES--and I mean LOVES--music. She insists that we turn on the music whenever she's in her lamb swing or bouncer, and she fusses unless her Fisher Price crib aquarium is playing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" whenever she's bedding down in her bassinet. The moment the music stops--even if she's dead asleep at the time--she starts fussing. It's hilarious. Jeff & I are wondering if we have a future American Idol or perhaps a potential band geek on our hands! Either way, we'll be the proudest parents alive!

OK, I think that's enough to get everyone caught up for now. I can't guarantee that I'll update every week, but I promise I will try to do a better job of staying on top of this blog in the weeks to come. In the meantime, a few recent pictures of the Harpster are posted below. (Isn't she beautiful? The other day some lady at Alamo Café said she was so beautiful that we ought to send her picture in to the Gerber Company and have them put HER on the side of baby food jars! What a compliment!)

Happy Pseudo-Birthday, Harper!

I can't believe Harper is almost a two-month-old. She'll be eight weeks tomorrow, which is insane to me.

Crazier, still, is that today--May 22nd--was supposed to be my "due date."

I can hardly fathom that my baby girl is only a few days shy of two months, but it also seems so strange to think that, merely eight weeks ago, I didn't know her. I bonded with her while she was in utero, of course, and I'd like to think that I knew her well before she was born, but in truth, I had no idea what that little face would look like--the face that I'll never forget for the rest of my life.

And although I can still remember what life was like before Harper arrived, I'm not sure I remember what it was like not to know her. Does that make sense?

We have come such a long way over the past eight weeks. Harper was born weighing only 3 lbs. 10 oz. During her first week of life in the NICU, she plummeted to 3 lbs. 3.3 oz., ate exclusively out of a feeding tube placed down her throat, had an IV in her heel, and sported "aviators" to combat the bilirubin lights used to improve her jaundice.

By the time of her discharge six weeks later, she weighed 6 lbs. 2.3 oz.--nearly double what she weighed at her lowest point.

We don't know what she weighs at the moment (we don't believe in scales here at our house, particularly post-pregnancy!), but she was 6 lbs. 10 oz. at her first doctor's appointment last Thursday. And she's been porking up ever since she got home! She now has a nice double chin, chubby cheeks, and is starting to get those "rolls" typical of most babies!

I'm so proud of my little fighter. Just look at how far she's come in the past eight weeks...

Week One:
Week Two:
Week Three:
Week Four:
Week Five:
Week Six:
Week Seven:
Week Eight: