Oprah's 24th Season Kick-off Flash Mob Dance

This is seriously one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I can't stop watching it:



That's not just cool, but inspiring. So soon after the eight-year anniversary of September 11th, this video should serve as an excellent reminder to us all--that, united, people can make awesome things happen.

Five months gone by!

I wonder if I ever won't be surprised by Harper's age. On the 28^th of every month I am shocked by whatever age she is. When she turned three months old, I could not believe it. On her four-month anniversary, I was flabbergasted that 1/3 of an entire year had already passed since her birth. She turned five months old on the 28^th of August, and again, I was shocked. I see the pattern, and I'm curious if ever a time will come when I look at her and say to myself, "Yeah, [insert random age here]. That sounds about right."

I'm thinking not. I'm thinking I'll be standing in line with her at the DMV on her 16^th birthday and saying out loud, "No, but how can you be 16 already?! You were just born YESTERDAY!"

Like it or not, she's getting bigger every day. And although her age and size may always surprise me, I don't regret that she's changing. I refuse to be one of those people who are sad on their child's first birthday because they no longer have a little newborn baby. I like looking forward to the next stage and seeing what the future holds for Harper. In short, I'm enjoying every minute of this.

Well, except when she's screaming crying mad, which is not so bad unless she decides to be that way for HOURS ON END. One of the fun byproducts of teething.

Yes, Harper is, in fact, already teething. She hasn't physically cut any teeth yet, but she has all the signs: drooling, chewing on her fists, generally acting irritable, biting down when a finger is inserted into her mouth, crying for a paci only to spit it out seconds later, etc. We've stocked up on infant Tylenol and Baby Orajel, and that seems to alleviate some of her pain at least temporarily. I didn't have teeth until I was 13 months old, so I'm completely shocked that this is happening so soon…and a little worried about how long it will go on. From what I've read, the first couple teeth are the most painful for babies to cut; apparently they kinda get used to the sensations after that. I hope so, for everyone's sake.

Anyway, Harper makes amazing progress with every month that goes by, and Jeff & I are constantly awed by her growth. At the time of her four-month vaccinations on July 29^th (the day after her four-month birthday), she weighed 11 lbs. 8 oz. and measured 24 ½ inches. Over the next two weeks, she gained a whopping two pounds, weighing in at 13 lbs. 8 oz. on August 12^th. (Can we say growth spurt?!) We won't return to the doctor until the end of September, so we're not 100% sure how much she weighed at the time of her five-month birthday on August 28^th, but according to our scale, she now weighs exactly 15 lbs., which sounds about right. To us who handle her on a daily basis, it is quite obvious that she has gotten considerably heavier and longer in the past month. We're now in the process of yet another growth spurt. How do I know? Because growth spurts SUCK! They are like reverting back to Harper's first week home from the hospital ALL OVER AGAIN! She is starving and wants to eat ALL THE TIME! Like, EVERY TWO OR THREE HOURS. Even in the middle of the night. It's insane!

Between the growth spurts and teething, Mommy & Daddy have been pretty tired lately. However, watching our daughter grow and develop into a little person more and more each day is so totally worth anything we have to give up. It's a cliché, I know, but when we peek over the edge of the crib to see a bright and shiny, blue-eyed baby girl contort her face into a giant, gummy grin the moment she notices our presence, suddenly it's all worth it. Every minute of the sleep we sacrifice and every bit of the stress our nerves must endure, it's all worth it. We joke with each other that giant gum smiles, first-time giggles, and other generally cute behavior must be God's way of making especially difficult phases bearable for the parents.

And in a way, watching Harper get bigger is even that much more fun for us because she was a preemie. We can hardly fathom that this big ol' butterball of a girl is the same tiny baby who lay there so helplessly in her isolette not so long ago…

In fact, she has now outgrown all of her 0–3 months clothes (even the Gymboree and Baby GAP ones!) and is starting to outgrow some of her 3–6 months clothes as well. And let me just say, I never really understood why my mom held onto all of my baby clothes or why she acted so sentimental about a bunch of outfits…until I had a baby. Now I totally get it. I am quite aware of how ridiculous this sounds, but I am literally heartbroken to have to pack away some of these outfits. There are some that I know I will NEVER be able to give away or sell. I just can't imagine it. My husband looks at me like I'm crazy when I tell him this.

OH! HUGE NEWS! Big, big, big, big, big, big, wonderfully awesome news!

On the 21^st of August, Harper had her FINAL appointment with the retinologist. Her eyes are now fully vascularized, which means the ROP is completely gone in both eyes! I cannot emphasize what a huge relief it is to know that (1) her retinas are back to normal; and (2) she doesn't have to endure any more retinal exams. We still have to take her for periodic checks with a pediatric ophthalmologist just to make sure her vision is OK. Former ROP patients can develop problems with vision as they age, such as near-sightedness or strabismus ("crossed eyes"), but the latter is rare and likely would be already apparent by now. Harper hasn't crossed her eyes since she was a newborn, so I'm not overly concerned about that possibility. She may end up needing little glasses as a child, but that is not a big deal AT ALL. I can't help but think of that horrible retinologist we saw the first time who terrified me with the possibility of blindness and had me leaving the office in tears… Half of me wants to laugh, roll my eyes, and forget he ever existed, and the other half of me wants to flip him the bird.

Other milestones/favorite pastimes during Harper's fifth month include:

• Watching TV (or at least trying to!)—In the past month, Harper has become obsessed with the "big black box of people and colors." She strains to turn toward the TV whenever we are holding her and smiles at the faces of people she thinks she knows. This past weekend, she grinned at a football player who seemed to resemble "Daddy," and while Daddy was watching his new favorite show "Shark Tank," she smiled a great big gum smile at Kevin O'Leary. For those who don't watch the show, he is by far the meanest "shark" on the show, the one who routinely shoots down every entrepreneur's idea and kinda makes Ebenezer Scrooge look like a saint. I don't know who she thought he was, but she smiled and giggled at him like he was one of her favorite people in the world. It was hilarious.

• Smiling/laughing—She's still our little thinker, but she's also become Miss Smiley during her fifth month. Harper not only smiles spontaneously—at the fan, at faces on TV, etc.—but she smiles in response to our smiles. She's also starting to laugh when tickled or when smiling alone just doesn't cut it!

• Sleeping through the night—It still isn't happening on a consistent basis (although I can partially blame her growth spurts for that), but Harper slept through the night—like a whole ten hours—about four or five times during her fifth month. It was absolute ecstasy to Mommy!

• Jumping in her Jumperoo—After much deliberation, we decided to get Harper a Jumperoo instead of an ExerSaucer, mainly because she loves to stand and use her legs so much but also because more people recommended the Jumperoo. Her Fisher Price Rainforest Jumperoo arrived while Daddy was away on business in Jacksonville, so I assembled it myself (round of applause, please!) and let her check it out. Harper was a little leery of it at first, particularly the bright red toucan that hangs overhead, but she soon found it tons of fun. She is not quite big enough to reach the floor yet, so Jeff & I have put a pillow under her feet so she can touch. Here are a few pictures from her first encounter with the Jumperoo:

And here she is in her Jumperoo one week later:

• Rolling over—I keep thinking that Harper is going to be one of those babies who skips crawling completely. She continues to despise "tummy time" and instead prefers to "stand" and "walk." However, Mommy continues to push "tummy time" because apparently that's what you're supposed to do. (Although I have to admit, I HATE doing it—forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do, that is. It makes me feel like some crazy stage mom. "Toddlers & Tiaras," anyone?) This past month, she made a huge achievement… She rolled over! Not just once, but OVER AND OVER AGAIN! She can only do it in one direction, but I am incredibly proud. "Tummy time" finally seems to be paying off.

• "Talking"—The screeching, cooing, and "razzing" continue, mostly in the morning or whenever I'm changing her diaper. They never fail to crack me up completely. Here is a video of our little jabberwocky, chatting away while I'm attempting to feed her a bottle:

• "Standing"/"walking"—As I said above, Harper loooves to stand up and take "practice steps." She will attempt to stand on any hard surface—your lap, the counter, the table, doesn't matter. Of course, she still can't properly balance herself to stand unassisted, but we are absolutely amazed that she can support all of her body weight for five or so minutes at a time without buckling. She's getting so good at standing that we are now able to hold her by the hands while she supports herself:

• Watching and touching Bitterman—Harper is completely captivated by Bitterman. She stares at him with a look of amusement and wonder on her face, as though she KNOWS he is not human but, hmmm, what else could he be? He looks so different from the rest of us! It's precious. Bitterman is incredibly tolerant of her and eager to get as close as we'll let him get. He loves to lick her hand (which, of course, we then wipe off with a Baby Wipe), and she seems to find this funny. I usually take her hand and have her "pet" Bitterman's back while he is lying on the couch next to us. She seems to enjoy the sensation of his fur beneath her fingers, and Bitterman doesn't mind at all. I can only imagine how much fun those two will have with each other as Harper gets older.

• First sound/word?—Harper's newest claim to fame is making "mmmm" sounds. I was absolutely delighted when she followed strings of "mmmm"s with something resembling "Ma-Ma" until I realized that it is not a term of endearment but one of frustration. Whenever Harper is about ready to melt down, the "mmmms" and "Mmmmma mas" start. Just what every new mother dreams of: Realizing that your child reserves "Ma-Ma" for when she's extremely mad, frustrated, and on the brink. I'm honestly not sure whether to count this as her first word. While "Ma-Ma" may not refer to me, it definitely means something. Jeff & I just haven't figured out what yet. Meanwhile, Daddy has started in with the "Da-Das," although Harper just kinda looks at him like, "Sure, Dad. Whatever." I'm afraid it definitely won't be the last time she gives him that look!
  

I feel like I'm forgetting a bunch of things, but Miss Harper is now awake, so I must wrap up this entry a little sooner than I'd wanted. Sorry! Here are a few pictures from her fifth month until next time:

Where did August go?!

It's September already? Are you kidding?

Where did August go? No, seriously. It's like we woke up one day on an episode of "Lost" and warped straight from July to September. Maybe our space-time continuum is way off just like it is on that crazy island.

More likely, I think, we just had a really busy month. Insanely busy. Doing what, you might ask? I answer.

Showers…and shopping for said showers. Oh, and there have been many!

Some context. One of my long-time best guy friends (and consequently one of my husband's best friends), Danny, and his fabulous fiancé, Melanie, to whom I've become incredibly close since they started getting really serious a few years ago, are getting married this October. (So exciting!) Jeff is a groomsman; I am a bridesmaid; and we are honored to be a part of their wedding party.

Anyway, a friend of theirs threw Mel a cupcake-themed kitchen gadgets shower a few weeks ago, and it was tons of fun. Everyone shared a favorite recipe and a useful "household hint," and Melanie got some amazing kitchen toys. I admit, I am incredibly jealous! I also got the chance to meet Melanie's mom, who lives in New Mexico and whom I'd not yet had the pleasure of meeting, and I must say, if Melanie wants to know what she will look like in 25-sum years, she needn't look any further. They are like clones. Gorgeous, government clones. Too funny.

Mel had another shower the following weekend that I had every intention of attending, but as many of you know—and as I am finding out the hard way on a near daily basis—"Pregnant Brain" does not go away once you give birth; it merely morphs into "New Mommy Brain." I'm not sure there's any real difference between the two.

I was under the impression that Mel's second shower was that Sunday. Not so much. I found this out as my husband called Danny to see what he and Melanie were doing later that night. I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas. The conversation went something like this:

JEFF: "Hey Danny, it's Jeff. Wanted to see if maybe you guys wanna go have dinner or something tonight. What are y'all up to this evening?"

DANNY: "Uh…well, I don't know. I mean, Melanie's at the shower, so I don't really know what she wants to do."

JEFF: "What shower?"

DANNY: "Her bridal shower."

JEFF: "The shower was today?"

ME, upon hearing this: "The shower is tomorrow!"

DANNY: "Yeah, it was at 11:00."

JEFF: "I think Taylor thought it was tomorrow."
ME, as Jeff is speaking: "NO WAY! It's TODAY?! Are you sure?!"

DANNY: "Well, that's where Mel said she was going, so I am pretty sure it was today."

Nice. Here I had Mel's presents all wrapped and ready to go; Jeff was set to babysit the next afternoon; and I'd already RSVPed to the hostess that I would be there. Damn you, New Mommy Brain!

The next weekend was Carrie's Baby Shower, which I co-hosted along with Carrie's sister and two of her friends in Austin. (Carrie was my roommate at Hardin House during my freshman year at UT, and she has been one of my best friends ever since.) Baby Joshua Walker Kitchen—"Josh"—is due on November 2^nd, so Carrie is already 30 weeks along, and I am extremely jealous because SHE HAS GAINED ONLY TWELVE POUNDS THUS FAR! By the time I was 30 weeks, I was 40 pounds heavier than normal. I'd gained a total of 53 pounds in my pregnancy by the time I delivered two weeks later. Twelve pounds vs. 53 pounds. Sooo not fair.

Anyway, I got up bright and early on Sunday to drive to Austin for Carrie's shower. I thought about bringing Harper but decided against it at the last minute, as she had been acting rather atrocious in the days before the shower, so she stayed here and spent some quality time with her daddy. The shower was darling and so much fun. We played some very cute shower games, and Carrie got so many fabulous gifts, including her Boppy pillow and monogrammed Boppy cover from Harper & me! Here are some pictures:

I also had to research/organize/schedule a venue for Danny & Melanie's upcoming Couples Shower, which really isn't a shower so much as a pre-wedding overnight getaway among friends. Jeff & I had originally intended to return to the Gruene Homestead Inn in Gruene, Texas, where we stayed with friends the week before our own wedding, but apparently the owners now impose a two-night minimum during the "peak" season, and September happens to fall in that time period. So I thought about it, and then I remembered how much fun Jeff & I had had when we drove up to Fredericksburg for my 27^th birthday. We rented a darling little guesthouse and spent the weekend there—Friday, just the two of us, and Saturday, with Carrie and her husband, Kris. We had an absolute blast checking out all of the nearby Texas wineries, sampling many different wines, walking around Main Street, and window-shopping. Remembering that, Fredericksburg seemed like it could be the perfect place for Danny & Mel's pre-wedding event!

Problem was, we have a lot of people in our group (like 14 of us), and almost all of the guesthouses in Fredericksburg that will house so many people require a two-night minimum. Staying two nights wasn't an option, so I contacted a reservation service in Fredericksburg hoping for some help… Didn't receive much, but was given the names of a few guesthouses to look over.

One of which was just the right size for our not-so-little group. It's called the River Road Ranch, and it looks absolutely perfect for us…which is why I was so disappointed to read that the owners require a two-night minimum for all weekend stays. Then it occurred to me that maybe I could convince them otherwise. We are, after all, in a recession; the tourism industry, even in tiny Fredericksburg, has no doubt taken a huge hit. So I e-mailed the reservation service that I had previously contacted and asked whether the owners were at all flexible with the two-night minimum stipulation. Someone replied back saying that basically the rates and policies are set and most owners will not budge. However, this is one of those situations in which being ridiculously headstrong actually comes in quite handy.

I e-mailed the owners of River Road Ranch directly, and they were more than happy to let us stay for one night only. Woo-hoo! Our group has rented out both of the guesthouses on the property—ten of us will stay in "The Bunkhouse" and four of us will be next door in "The Feed Mill." I am so excited that our venue is FINALLY all squared away! It should be a blast! Here are some pictures of where we are going to stay:

What else? Wrote two letters that I really wanted/needed to write. Consequently, repaired one of my greatest regrets by reconnecting with an old friend whom I mistreated years ago during a really bad time in my life. A la Forrest Gump, that's all I'm going to say about that.

Jeff had to take a business trip to Jacksonville, Florida for a few days. He wasn't gone long, but even so, it's never easy without him. I'm always acutely reminded of how much I depend on him for different things whenever he's not here, especially now that we have Harper. Needless to say, I was glad to see him return!

Oh, and here's something to file under other, AWESOME news: We got a new dining room table and corner china cabinet for our formal dining room! Actually, we bought them back in July, but they were finally delivered the first week in August. They are so beautiful and exactly what I'd had in mind. I am totally in love with them:

Yet another reason August flew by: My mom went back to school—er, back to teaching school, that is—so I tried to spend as much time as I could with her before she returned to her sixth graders. School started last week, but she had to go back a week before that for inservice. Blah. It's good for her to have something to do now that Carson & I are "grown up," I know, but selfishly I wish she wasn't teaching.

What else? Took Harper to lunch with a few friends from high school with whom I'd gotten back in touch thanks to Facebook. Jen, Renee, and I all went to middle and high school together; we were all pregnant at the same time; and we all had our babies in the winter/spring of 2009. In fact, Jen's adorable baby boy, Aiden, was a preemie just like Harper. Aiden was born first, in mid-February; Harper came at the end of March; and Alexa, Renee's daughter, was born in the beginning of May.

The three of us kept up with each other on Facebook throughout our pregnancies and decided to have lunch while Jen was in town from California. I hadn't seen Renee since we graduated high school (perhaps we bumped into each other during a return to San Antonio from college, but not that I can remember!), and I hadn't seen Jennifer in about four years (she and her husband happened to be in the same pre-marital counseling class at church as Jeff and me). The babies were all adorable and so darling together! Here are some pictures:

We left La Hacienda saying that the three of us would definitely get together again when Jen is in town for Christmas, and Renee & I promised that we'd get our girls together again before that since we both live here in San Antonio. I hope so, because I had too much fun!

I haven't mentioned much of you-know-who in this entry, and that's because I'm saving all of my Harper-related talk for the next update. This one is too long already! I promise I will update again before the end of the week. This once-a-month stuff is ridiculous. Until then…

1/3 of a Year Already?!

In Harper's third month, I kept thinking, I love her so much, but I am so ready for that next phase in her life. After all, for most people, newborn-hood is over in the blink of an eye. But when you are the parent of a preemie, it's a lot different. Your child is seemingly a newborn FOREVER.

And while newborns are deliciously adorable and probably the closest thing on this earth to living, breathing angels, they are also pretty limited. They sleep more than they're awake; their smiles are spontaneous rather than deliberate; and they stare more than they truly "react." I absolutely adored Harper from the moment I saw her. Yet, by the time I'd spent three months holding my precious newborn—this tiny, beautiful little girl who looked like she belonged on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel—I was eager to see Harper move on to the next phase, one where she opened her eyes more often and smiled in response to our smiles and held her head up without suffering from "rubber neck."

Her fourth month was, without question, that next phase in her development. She made sooo much progress, and we celebrated so many milestones!

The biggest of all of them is that she is now smiling at the sound of our voices and the sight of our faces. This was huge, especially for Mommy. I can't tell you how much it meant to see my daughter's face light up for the first time when I went to retrieve her from her crib and said, "Harper, it's your Mommy! Good morning!" Seeing that big, gummy grin was like winning the lottery. Twice. On Christmas.

A close second is the fact that Harper is now able to track us—and other objects—with her eyes. She follows us, our fingers, and the toys we hold up in front of her from one side to the other as though performing a field sobriety test. This may not seem big, but it is. There is a tremendous amount of relief that occurs when you can finally take comfort in the fact that your baby sees you. Like, really sees you. I now KNOW she's looking at me—not something behind or beside or above me—when she appears to be looking at me. There's no mistaking it. This is huge.

What else? She has let out a few giggles here and there—still no major belly laughs just yet, but she's right on the verge. However, she continues to screech, squeal, and coo at certain people and objects (e.g., Jeff & me—particularly when we're changing her—the ceiling fan, the "sun flower" on her Bright Starts activity gym, the lambs on her lamb swing mobile, etc.).

She has also taken to this little picture of Nemo on the side of her baby wipes box. I point to Nemo and ask, "Is that your Nemo?" and she smiles at it—a real big, gum smile—every time I change her. Interestingly, she also seems quite intrigued by her nursery wall letters. I don't know if it's because of the different patterns or what, but she stares right at them and smiles every time she's on the changing table in her nursery.

Favorite pastimes during her fourth month include:

• Having Mommy sing "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes"—complete with all the motions—to her. She smiles really big when I do the "and mouth and nose" part.
  
• Doing "Super Harpers" with Mommy, Daddy, Gran, and/or Grandfather (e.g., springing off of our laps and having us make her "fly" while yelling, "Suuuper Haaarper!").
  
• Swinging in her lamb swing and playing in her Bright Starts activity gym.
  
• "Standing," "walking," and "jumping" when we hold her up underneath the arms. We think she's going to be one of those babies who skips crawling completely and just starts with walking. Thus far, she has expressed absolutely no desire to crawl, scoot, or do anything to move from Point A to Point B on her tummy. She does, however, LOVE to stand up, "walk," and "jump" on our laps as long as we support her underneath the arms. (Consequently, Jeff & I are currently doing our homework on Jumperoos and ExerSaucers and trying to figure out which will be the better buy for Harper!) What to Expect—The First Year says 25% of four-month-old babies will bear some weight on their legs. Harper has been doing this for about three weeks, and she's only supposed to be a nine-week-old! She might be ahead of the game on the walking front.
  
• Being kissed, particularly on the forehead, chin, and the corners of her mouth—elicits a smile every time!
  
• Taking baths with Mommy (but now kicks her legs like a little frog in the bathtub!).
  
• Cuddling and sleeping on Daddy's chest and stomach (aka: "Harper's waterbed").
  

Other milestones significant to Jeff & me and likely no one else include:

• Stopped sleeping in the bedside bassinet in our room and moved upstairs to her "big girl" crib in her nursery at the beginning of her fourth month.
  
• Stopped by my old office and met my former bosses and coworkers for the first time the week before she turned four months. It was great for me to get to see everyone and fun for them to meet this little person they'd come to "know" so well in utero. Erik & Christy brought in pizzas for the occasion, and Hector drew a "Sticky of the Day" in Harper's honor:
  
  
  
• Recognizes the sight and sound of us shaking her bottle and correlates it with food. As soon as she spots the bottle and we put the burp cloth under her chin, her cry totally transforms and she starts getting fidgety as though she understands that dinner is served. However, she does not yet understand that the burp cloth is not an appetizer.
  
• Sat in her Bumbo chair for the first time without slumping at just over three months.
  
• Went swimming in her mushroom baby pool for the first time at three-and-a-half months—wasn't a huge fan, but I think mainly because she'd just woken up from a nap.
  
• Played "peek-a-boo" with Mommy for the first time at four months and smiled when I "reappeared."
  
• Outgrew all of her "newborn" and most of her "0–3 months" clothes; she can now wear only "3–6 months" clothes, with the exception of stuff from Gymboree, which runs super huge.
  
• Stared in disbelief at my toothbrush and then back at my mouth as I held her in one arm while brushing my teeth the other day. You could just see her trying to wrap her little mind around it. She was so puzzled, I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
  
• Paid attention to and eventually smiled at the "baby in the mirror" for the first time at four months old.
  
• Showed a slight interest in books for the first time as a four-month-old. Mommy now tries to read Baby Colors once a day, although Harper doesn't always have the attention span for it.
• Met my paternal grandmother, Val, who suffered a debilitating stroke almost six years ago, at the nursing home for the first time. Harper was very cute and nuzzled right up to Val in her wheelchair.
  
• Slept through the night for the first time (or, well, 6 ½ hours at least) at three-and-a-half months, after she had her last bottle at 12:30 A.M. and didn't wake up to eat again until 7:00 A.M. Mommy was shocked! Harper has graduated to sleeping six hours at a time, but this rarely means sleeping through the night, as Mommy & Daddy are usually too tired to make it past midnight for the day's final feeding. More frequently, Harper eats her last bottle at about 8:30 P.M., goes to bed at 9:00 P.M., wakes up Mommy to eat somewhere between 3:30 and 5:00 A.M., and then wakes up to start her day at about 8:30 A.M. Mommy is going on her fourth month of not sleeping through the night—yet, strangely, it's not even a big deal anymore. Sleeping four or so hours at a time is now commonplace. By the time you do something for a third of a year, you really don't remember what it was like to NOT do it. And let's not kid ourselves, it's actually been much longer than that. I used to wake up in my third trimester crying—literally, CRYING—due to crippling joint pain in my hands and fingers and unbearable heartburn, let alone those nights when I would awaken to the fun sensation of my super active little baby kicking the crap out of my uterus. So, yes, between the general discomfort during the later stages of pregnancy, the bliss of cesarean recovery, and the cries of my darling, hungry little newborn baby, I barely remember what it was like to sleep uninterrupted for eight consecutive hours. I'm not worried about it, though. Harper will eventually sleep through the night. The doctor said he'd be surprised if a baby her age—her adjusted age, I mean—could sleep longer than five or six hours at a time, so I'm thinking that we have a couple more months of up-in-the-middle-of-the-night feedings to go. Hey, it could be worse. We could be back in the days of two-or-more feedings in the middle of the night! Nooo, thank you!
  

Physically, she's changing so much every day. There are the precious little weight-gain-related baby features (e.g., chubby legs, chubby arms, chubby wrists, chubby tummy, chubby cheeks, and chubby, double—sometimes triple—chins), but there are also the characteristics that make her increasingly more her, and it's so fun to see those grow and develop and sharpen. I'm convinced that her eyes are going to remain blue, although not the dark ocean blue they were in the hospital and not the light, sky blue shade that exists in both of our families. Harper's eyes are a beautiful, smoky bluish-slate gray with flecks of green and hazel, like gorgeous marble, with a ring of dark blue around the outside. The hair on the top and back of her head, which thinned out considerably and partially fell out during her third month, has now thickened and formed into a little cap of light brown, with a cowlick on the right side above her forehead just like her daddy. It's darling.

I find myself wondering what she'll look like skipping off to Kindergarten at five, kicking a soccer ball (or whatever!) at nine, climbing into her car at 16, walking down the aisle at…25? 30? I can't picture it just yet, but I know one thing: She'll be the most beautiful thing on earth to her parents.

Four-month Well Visit

Yesterday was Harper's four-month checkup, and I can't believe four months have already passed since she was born. Well, in a way I can, because I'm getting to the point now where I really can't remember what life was like not to have her here with us, but I remember the day I had her so vividly (at least up to the point of my surgery!) that it hardly seems like that could have been four months ago.

Here are her stats:

Weight: 11 lbs. 9 oz.
Length: 23.125 ins.
Head circumference: 15.625 ins.

Jeff & I were surprised because we both expected her to weigh more than that (after all, she has recently earned the nickname "Harper the Hutt"—as in "Jabba the Hutt"—from some of our friends due to her rolls!), but she's following a normal growth pattern and everything, so she's on the right track. For a four-month-old baby, she is in the 6^th percentile for weight, the 7^th percentile for length, and the 9^th percentile for head circumference. However, if these numbers are plugged into her adjusted age—nine weeks, the age she's supposed to be and would be had she born at term—then she is in the 51^st percentile for weight, the 60^th percentile for length, and the 59^th percentile for head circumference. So basically she is right where she needs to be.

What else? Her umbilical hernia is almost fully healed. I don't know if I ever even mentioned that, but Harper had a very small umbilical hernia as a result of her prematurity. It's a very common thing for preemies; they are born with such a small amount of core muscle that part of their intestine protrudes through a "weak spot" in their abdominal wall (aka: their belly button). This causes their navel to slightly poke out whenever they strain (e.g., cry, poop, etc.). Basically, whenever she strains, Harper's belly button becomes an "outtie." We first noticed it in the NICU, and it was later diagnosed as an umbilical hernia. The good news is that it's getting better. The doctor can no longer feel the hernia, which means it has decreased in size, and he assured us that Harper will not need to have it surgically repaired. Dr. B thinks it will go away on its own within the next few months and told me not to worry, that she would eventually have a perfect "innie" bikini belly button.

The fact that he mentioned bikinis is hilarious, because it's been a hot topic of discussion since before Harper was even born. For some strange reason that I don't understand, Jeff has this issue with Harper wearing a bikini. It started about six weeks before my C-section, when I was shopping online for Harper's first swimsuit…

I showed Jeff this adorable giraffe-print bikini from Baby GAP and said, "Isn't this darling?"

His response was, "I don't think she needs a bikini."

Puzzled, I asked, "OK… But what's wrong with a bikini? What's your deal?"

"I just don't want her wearing one. No bikinis. She doesn't need to be running around with an exposed tummy."

"But she's a BABY!"

"OK, fine. She can wear a bikini before she turns one. But between one and eighteen, no bikinis."

A few weeks later, we had a bunch of our friends over and I brought up the bikini subject, thinking all of them would say that Jeff was completely overreacting. To my surprise, every single one of the guys agreed with Jeff. (All of the girls, however, sided with Mommy.) I actually ended up buying Harper a one-piece for this summer, but I guarantee next summer the bikini issue will come up again.

However, I will eventually win this one. And here's why:

(1) I honestly don't understand what is wrong with wearing a bikini. Americans have been wearing them since the '40s. I have pictures of my mom and her friends as eight-year-olds running through sprinklers in theirs.
(2) Since I will be picking out all of my daughter's clothes for AT LEAST the next decade, I think my husband can trust my decisions on this. Obviously I am not going to pick out a skanky-looking swimsuit for our precious, innocent little child.
(3) I don't want my daughter to grow up feeling ashamed of her body or how she looks.
(4) I'm not a fan of creating problems out of non-issues. To me, that is how you create much bigger problems. If Jeff makes this a big issue, it will bite us both in the you-know-what later when Harper is a teenager. If he acts like it's no big deal, Harper won't think it's a big deal either. My parents never forbid me from wearing a bikini—or anything, for that matter—and consequently, I never pushed the limits on that subject at all. I never owned a bathing suit that was too provocative or a skirt too short or a shirt too low-cut. It never would've even occurred to me to buy one. However, had my dad been all, "Young lady, one-pieces only until you go to college!" it probably would've been a different story.

Anyway, that's the bikini issue. Back to Harper's appointment…

I jokingly mentioned to my pediatrician that my husband had already decided to put his foot down when it comes to two-piece bathing suits: "Yeah, no bikinis until she's 18, he says."

Dr. B, who has two grown daughters of his own, continued examining Harper and laughed, "Is that right? Well—HA!—you tell your husband I wish him a whole hell of a lot of luck with that one. HA!"

I, of course, made sure to repeat Dr. B's comment to my dear husband later that day. He couldn't help but laugh.

Anyway, normally babies start eating rice cereal and stuff like that at about four months old, but because Harper is a preemie, Dr. B thinks we should wait until she has an adjusted age of four months old before we introduce her to any type of solid foods. I'm a little disappointed, because I think Jeff & I are both looking forward to feeding her something else besides bottles, and—I won't lie—because I've heard that babies do a MUCH better job of sleeping through the night once they get on rice cereal. But that's OK. September will be solids month!

And I really shouldn't be complaining at all, because after switching six times, we have FINALLY solved our formula crisis. Per an old high school Facebook friend's suggestion, we tried Good Start's Soy Plus formula last month, and we have been on it ever since. Harper is generally a good eater, although I've been concerned lately that she isn't eating enough. The rule of thumb is that you take your baby's current weight and divide it in half; whatever you get is the maximum number of ounces she should eat per feeding. In Harper's case, that means she should be eating about five-and-a-half ounces at each feeding, and her problem is one of inconsistency. She'll down a five-ounce bottle at one feeding and refuse to eat more than three-and-a-half ounces at the next one. I asked Dr. B about it, and he said that anything within two ounces of the maximum number of ounces she should eat is OK. So, as long as she eats at least three-and-a-half ounces of formula at each feeding, we're in the clear. She's been doing that—and sometimes much more—so I guess we're on the right track.

The best part is that Harper's gas is sooo much better; her tummy aches are practically gone; and her system eventually regulated itself so she doesn't have any more constipation issues. This is a huuuge relief to her parents, who were starting to worry themselves sick about her. She is also taking a small dose of a very mild antacid every day, so I'm sure this is helping with the digestion and tummy issues she had while on previous formulas.

Harper also had to have her four-month vaccinations, which was, of course, traumatic for us both. She did much better this time, though, and didn't cry nearly as much as she did as a two-month-old, so Mommy was incredibly proud of her. I also had the Infant Tylenol with me in my diaper bag this time and gave her a little bit in the waiting room, so that helped tremendously. After we got home, she slept almost the rest of the day. That's REALLY unusual for her, so I know she had to feel pretty crummy because of the shots. My poor baby.

She seems much better today, but I am trying to be extra careful when handling her. I remember how badly that DTaP shot hurt when I had to have it—as a 15-year-old, I couldn't even lift my left arm to shoot a basketball at practice—so the idea of bumping her or touching her little leg when she's sore makes me cringe. She seems back to her regular, inquisitive self, though. I'm so glad to see that she's feeling better, although I'm already dreading her six-month vaccinations. Then I know we'll have another round at nine months and again at a year! And those are just boosters… That's not counting our monthly dose of Synagis—a shot given to preemies to prevent them from catching RSV, a type of respiratory virus that can seriously affect babies with underdeveloped lungs, during the flu season—assuming we're approved. (One shot of Synagis costs $1,000, and babies need the shot on a monthly basis during flu season, so it can quickly add up. As a result, you have to be "approved" for Synagis, which means that your insurance company has to evaluate your baby's likelihood of contracting RSV based on a number of factors—the degree of his/her prematurity, whether he/she will be exposed to other children during the flu season, whether he/she will be in day care, etc. It's basically insurance companies' way of figuring out which will cost less: paying for your child to have the shot or paying for your child's hospital bill should he/she contract RSV. Harper hasn't been approved yet, but Dr. B seems to think it won't be a problem, given that she was born eight weeks premature. We will find out the verdict in September, so I'll keep you posted.)

She is waking up from her nice long nap, so I will have to finish writing about all that's gone on over the past few weeks next time. Until then…

ROP, Formulas, & Progress

I don't have a lot of time to update, because you-know-who is due to wake up hungry in about 30 minutes, but I'll give it a shot...

First things first, I have WONDERFUL news about Harper's eyes. Jeff & I took her to the retinologist as scheduled last Friday, and she received a fantastic diagnosis. The ROP is almost completely gone in her right eye, and although her left eye is still currently at stage two, it is a "better" stage two than it was a couple weeks ago. In fact, things are looking so good that the doctor said we really shouldn't worry, that the ROP in her left eye would most likely go away on its own, and that she definitely would not be a candidate for laser surgery (thank God!). An added bonus is that we no longer have to see the retinologist on a weekly basis; we don't have to return until mid-August, which, for now, seems a billion years away.

I'm absolutely ecstatic because--believe me--you do NOT want to watch a retinal exam performed on a newborn. It is unbelievably traumatic. First, Harper's eyes have to be dialated. I've never had this done, so I don't know what it feels like. I've heard that it doesn't hurt, really, but that it's no picnic either. Regardless, it is not enjoyable for anyone to have to pry an infant's eyes open, apply three rounds of drops, and wait around for roughly 45 minutes so that the drops have a chance to start working. But the worst is the actual exam. The doctor has to clip these little things on her eyelids to keep her eyes completely open, and although Harper's cry during the exam is more of a panicked, "what is she doing to me, Mom?!" yell than a true, "I'm in pain here!" scream a la her vaccinations, it is still unbelievably tough to take. And the fact that I have to hold her little arms down while they do this to her from the comfort of my lap is almost unbearable. I honestly don't know whether it's harder for Harper to physically endure the exam or for me to witness it. All I know is that I'm THRILLED we don't have to go back for another month.

We've been having a lot of issues trying to find the right formula for her, and our struggles continue. In the hospital, and during the first couple weeks at home, she was on Similac Neosure, a formula made specifically for preemies. However, babies aren't supposed to stay on it for very long past their original due date because of the ingredients (I guess it's higher in fat and calories to "bulk up" premature babies who are so small). Harper was also having a lot of gas pains on the Neosure, so our pediatrician recommended that we switch to Similac Alimentum, a hypoallergenic formula. The result? Projectile, Exorcist-style vomiting that Jeff & I both had the pleasure of experiencing first-hand on more than one occasion. Good times.

So we then switched to Similac Isomil Advance, an all soy-based formula. She seemed to love the taste of it and would drain her bottles at each feeding, but she continued to have horrible tummyaches (and audible, college frat boy-like gas!), so we switched again...to Nutramigen, Enfamil's version of hypoallergenic formula. Harper DETESTED it. Every time we tried to feed it to her, she would scrunch up her face as if to say, "Ewww, yuck!" and would ultimately eat only about half of her bottles. Sooo, as per a friend of mine's suggestion (and similar experience with her son), we're now trying Good Start Soy Plus. Thus far, Harper likes it--doesn't love it, but likes it--and isn't having nearly as much gas or as many tummyaches as before. She does seem like she's having more trouble pooping, though, as she did on the Similac Isomil Advance, so we need to give it some more time to see if it's going to work for us.

So, the formula debaucle continues. I feel so bad for Harper. I'm sure she doesn't understand why we keep changing her food, and Jeff & I are so frustrated by our inability to find the right solution for her. It makes me feel guilty that I didn't breastfeed her, even though that was far from a perfect solution for us. I couldn't even remotely keep up with her demand no matter how much I pumped, and to be honest, she seemed to have just as much gas on her tummy when she was on strictly breastmilk. Ugh!

The good news is that the pediatrician has nothing but good things to say about her. She is in wonderful shape, physically, and thus far, has hit all of her developmental markers. At her last doctor's visit (July 1st), she weighed 9 lbs. 13 oz. (almost 10 lbs.!) and measured 22 3/8 inches. She is such a tall girl! She is getting too long for most of her newborn outfits, but 3-months outfits literally hang off of her, so we're in one of those weird phases where finding the right clothes is a challenge. Carter's clothes seem to fit her the best, so we're extremely brand loyal right now!

Oh, and she is FINALLY sleeping longer than three hours at a time (thank God!). These days Harper is eating 4 to 4 1/2 oz. every four or five hours. Last night she went the longest she's ever gone between feedings--five and a half hours! I fed her at 11:45 P.M. and she woke me up to eat at 5:15 A.M. It was WONDERFUL to sleep so long, although I think I'm actually pretty used to getting up every three or so hours now. Last night I almost had the sensation that I'd slept through my alarm or something.

What else? Although she remains a carbon copy of her daddy when she's asleep, Harper is looking A LOT more like her mommy as of late. It's not so much that she resembles me now, but she looks identical to my baby pictures (aside from the blue eyes, of course!). I will try to scan a picture of myself as a three-month-old the next time I go over to my parents' house.

Sadly, Harper's gorgeous tresses are falling out--or, should I say, "rubbing off." She has rubbed a big bald spot on the very back of her head, and I keep finding little baby hairs all over her sheets. If she takes after her mother, she will be a bald Buddha baby by the time she is six months old!

In terms of personality, Harper remains a very serious, smart baby; she does, of course, smile when entertained, but she generally seems more interested in studying things than smiling without cause. (I caught her staring at her fist for about five minutes straight yesterday!) However, she absolutely loves for us to talk to her and intently listens whenever such conversations take place. She also continues to LOVE music, particularly from her lamb swing mobile, which she now stares at for 10 or so minutes at a time, and lately has shown genuine interest in her Bright Starts activity gym. She bats and coos at the hanging objects on her gym, particularly her favorite: a "flower" with purple petals and a yellow face that makes it look more like a sun than a flower. Fans are her favorite household objects; we catch her watching them spin often when she's awake.

Other likes include her daddy (she is a real Daddy's Girl who loves snuggling up on Jeff's chest), taking baths with Mommy (I decided this was MUCH easier than bathing her in an infant tub!), and being held "sack of potatoes-style" (e.g., backwards over my shoulder). Major milestones in her third month include grabbing our noses, glasses, etc. when we hold her up close to our faces, kicking and using her legs to push off of my hands when I support her, looking us in the eyes when we speak to her, rolling over unassisted for the first time, cooing and squeaking--particularly in response to us or objects around her, opening her mouth as if to "give kisses" when I kiss her on the lips, staring at the moving lambs and stars on her lamb swing mobile, and attempting to "bat" hanging objects on her activity gym with her hand.

Jeff & I have given her about 1,000 different nicknames, including "Harpster," "Harperoni" (shortened to "Roni" on many occasions), "Harperton," "Harpsichord," "Harpsie Lou," "Harpunzle," "Mrs.," and "Cooberry." She probably won't know her own name by the time she's ready to start talking! (I'm kidding. We call her by her name a lot, too.)

Unbelievably,you-know-who is still asleep! I am going to try to get some thank-you notes written before she wakes up. Wish me luck! :-)

Harper's Belated "Welcome Home!" Shower

I started to write this entry last week but never got around to actually posting it, so sorry for the delay!

We had our "Welcome Home, Harper!" shower here at our house on June 28th, and it was so much fun. The hostesses completely outdid themselves; they brought in pounds of chicken and beef fajitas, Mexican rice, refried beans, and queso from Alamo Cafe (sooo good!), the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I think I've ever seen, a homemade trifle, a darling pink "Welcome Harper" cake with baby booties on it, and an absolutely exquisite diaper cake, care of the amazing talents of my best friend! Harper got the chance to meet"Aunt Jody," "Uncle Rick," "Aunt Erin," "Uncle David," & "Uncle Kris & Aunt Carrie" (who is pregnant with Harper's soon-to-be boyfriend, Josh) for the first time, and Jeff & I had a blast laughing, eating, and drinking wine with our friends. We don't see them nearly as much as we used to, so it was especially cool to hang out with so many of them together in one place.

Jody created a "word scramble" of all of Harper's favorite things, and I am sorry to say that my jumble skills are obviously not what they once were! (Sadly, I missed my own last name! I couldn't figure out that "nsoerHdne" was "Henderson"! A little pathetic!) Everyone had so much fun trying to figure out all of the answers. A few of us got pretty close, but no one could manage to beat Rick, who ultimately won the grand prize: a free massage at Spa d'Sante. After the word scramble, Jeff & I read aloud each guest's wish and/or words of advice for us as new parents. Some of the things people wrote were hysterical, such as my brother's words of wisdom: "Give her what she needs, not what she wants." Good advice, maybe, but a little ironic coming from my brother, who pretty much exclusively wears Burberry and Lacoste, drives a Porsche Boxster, and spends most of his time on the links at various San Antonio country clubs. (Incidentally, Carson is a very good kid: mannerly, thoughtful, and easy to get along with, with a very big heart. He doesn't act spoiled or bratty in the least. Still, he has exceptional, expensive taste and a self-admitted desire to live the "good life," so I couldn't help but chuckle when I read his bit of advice.)

Anyway, after reading everyone's wishes and words of wisdom, Jeff & I opened Harper's presents. Wow, she got some absolutely amazing gifts: her high chair, an extra car seat base (sooo nice to have an extra one to put in Jeff's car!), a car seat grabber, padded car seat strap covers, double head support pillows, a darling wicker laundry hamper, crib sheets, bassinet sheets, changing pad covers, a musical monkey toy, her first stationery, a $50 gift card to Target (which Mommy has already spent on a little closet organizer and an adorable mushroom baby pool that I doubt we'll be able to use until next year), and six or seven adorable outfits. I have no idea when I'll be able to write so many thank-you notes, but I will get them all done...eventually.

In the meantime, I hope my darling friends know how very grateful I am to them for putting together such a spectacular shower. I had such a wonderful time and can't thank them enough for everything. Harper will hear about her "Welcome Home" shower for many years to come!